The Abolition of Competition

Look up the word “competition” and you might see the following definitions:

- The act of competing, as for profit or a prize; rivalry

- A test of skill or ability; a contest

- Rivalry between two or more businesses striving for the same customer or market

- Ecology The simultaneous demand by two or more organisms for limited environmental resources, such as nutrients, living space, or light

From Mother Nature’s point of view, the ecology definition makes a lot of sense. After all, isn’t survival of the fittest all about competition? The cave-stud who speared the most bison got the most fertile cave-babes. The plant that gets the most sun and water thrives. I understand competition for the sake of survival. But what about competition for the sake of keeping up with the Jones’s?

Now don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition to muster more mojo. Competing with yourself to measure your progress can be a great way to stay motivated and inspired. Learning how to lose can provide a valuable lesson as well… failure often teach us more than success does. And everyone needs to learn how to lose gracefully.

But when does competition become a sass-sucking scenario?

You know what I’m talking about. You know that dad at your kids baseball games who yells at his child whenever he makes a mistake, yells at the umpire whenever a call doesn’t go his way, and yells at the other parents for yelling at him. You know that co-worker in your office who takes credit for every good idea, knocks down any idea she didn’t think of, and talks nonstop about her grandiose ideas. And how about that neighbor who has the most expensive car, the brightest holiday decorations, and the landscaping that cost as much as a college education? Why do those people compete?

They compete to win. That’s it. They feel the need to beat everyone else because they don’t feel good about themselves otherwise. Winning is the only way they can feel okay in the world, and they will do anything to be sure everyone else knows that they are okay. But here’s the thing about that… they will never feel okay, no matter how many awards they win or accolades they receive, because mojo can only be found INSIDE ourselves. We can’t get it from our children’s athletic abilities, or our high-powered office jobs, or our Lamborghinis.

So here’s a good question to ask ourselves. What would we do if nobody was watching?

Picture this: Nobody can see your clothes. Nobody can see your car. Nobody can see your house. Nobody knows what you do for a living, how much money you make or donate to charity, or how smart your kids are.

Would you live your life any differently if the only person you had to impress was you?

Maybe you’d spend more time in your pajamas and spend less money on your car. Maybe you’d worry less about how your lawn looks and worry more about how your life feels. Maybe you’d go for a run just to feel the sunshine on your face and not to lose the extra jiggle in your legs. Maybe you’d find a career that energizes and empowers you instead of sticking with a job that stresses you out but impresses your neighbors. Maybe you’d spend time with your kids just to hear them roar with laughter instead of grooming them to be rule the world.

Perhaps we, as a society, should strive more for serenity and less for social status.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with nice clothes, nice cars, and big bucks, as long as you have those things because YOU really want them and not because you think others will be impressed by your importance.

There is always room to improve your groove and strive for success. Just keep in mind that success doesn’t necessarily mean being the best at everything. Success could mean having a loving family, a satisfying career, and a life lived with integrity. Success could mean sitting on your porch every evening to watch the sunset, making music, and smiling when you look in the mirror... regardless of what looks back at you. Sometimes contentment trumps competition.

The next time you’re unsure of your motivation for something, ask yourself this… How would you live if nobody was watching?

The Time Trap

I recently asked you, my mojo-minded mates, what the biggest peril to your pep was. Not surprising, the thing you are missing most is not something that can be found after it is lost. It’s priceless, although it’s free. It’s the one thing nobody has enough of… time.

Couldn’t you have asked for something easy, like a kale smoothie recipe? TIME? You want to talk about TIME? REALLY? This is one of the great challenges of my life. I’m a full-time mom, a full-time employee, a part-time student, and a 24/7 sanity-seeker. You want ME to help YOU with time? You really know how to hurt a girl.

I feel your pain. Finding time to do everything we need to do can be overwhelming at best, and downright terrifying at worst. This is one of life’s biggest struggles. How do we find time to take care of our families, see our friends, nurture our relationships, cook healthy meals, forward our careers, continue our educations, exercise our bodies, meditate our minds, clean our homes, wash our clothes, pet our dogs, and be sure we stay up-to-date on Facebook?

There are 24 hours in our day, no matter who we are. So how is it that some people seem to have enough time to do everything they want to do, while others do not (like me, and apparently most of you)? Do they have an extra few hours that we don’t know about? Do they not sleep? Do they multitask? Are they cloned?

To answer these tantalizing questions, I decided to think about all the people I know who seem to have enough time to do everything they want to do. I know A LOT of people, so surely there will be a long list of those who manage to get everything done, but are still happy and successful? Who can I talk to who has time at the end of a day, but still has a rewarding career, a healthy relationship, time for hobbies and activities, and quality time with their family and friends?

Hmmm… this is tougher than I thought.

And then it hit me. There is only ONE person I know who fits this description, so I decided to set up an interview. I called his number right away:

ME: Hi Dad. It’s me.

DAD: Hi. What’s up? Didn’t I just see you a few hours ago? (makes time to see family – check).

ME: Yeah, but I have a few questions for you.

DAD: Okay, but can I call you back? I’m having dinner with friends. (makes time for friends – check)

ME: Okay. Call me when you get home.

DAD: It might be bedtime by then. Can you call me in the morning? (makes time for sleep – check)

I called the next morning.

ME: Hi Dad. It’s me again. Whatcha doing?

DAD: I just finished my walk. (makes time for exercise – check)

ME: I’m writing my blog on how we can find more time in our lives. The only person I could think of who seems to have enough time to fit it all in is you. What’s your secret to time management?

DAD: It’s all about planning my time. I allocate enough time to get ready in the morning to get dressed, exercise, eat breakfast… And then I allocate time to work. After work I allocate time to have dinner and relax. I know I’m a day person, so I go to sleep relatively early and wake up relatively early. Someone who’s a night person may decide to allocate their time differently, but it’s the same strategy. Once you decide what you want to do, all you have to do is do it! It’s just about following your own plan. Most people either don’t have a plan, or they have a plan but don’t stick to it.

ME: Sounds like you’re pretty disciplined.

DAD: Yes, but it’s more than that. It’s all about setting your plan in accordance with your priorities.

ME: How do you decide what your priorities are?

DAD: That’s different for everyone, but in order to be successful, you have to manage your time in accordance with your priorities. If you screw up your priorities, you’re screwed.

ME: I guess so!

DAD: Now I have to go golfing (makes time for hobbies and activities – check)

After I hung up, I deduced that finding enough time to live a happy and satisfied life depends on two things… knowing your priorities, and planning your days around those priorities.

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Then why do so many people, myself included, have such a hard time with this seemingly simple task?

If my priorities are my family, healthy eating, exercise, my career, my education, and a healthy social life, then my “plan” would fit in those priorities. I know I need 8 hours of sleep to feel good, and I know I’m a morning person. Given those parameters, my typical week-day plan might look something like this:

7:00 – 7:30 am – rise and shine!
7:30 – 8:30 am – yoga
8:30 – 9:00 am – green juice for breakfast
9:00 am – 12:00 pm – work
12:00 – 1:00 pm – lunch and walk
1:00 – 5:00 – work
5:00 – 6:00 – free time with family (bike ride, help with homework, etc.)
6:00 – 7:30 – dinner (cooking, eating, cleaning up)
7:30 – 8:30 – get kids ready for bed (aka snuggle time!)
8:30 – 10:00 – study, read fabulous books, catch up on Facebook, or call friends
10:00 – 11:00 – get ready for bed

This is a pretty good plan! So what goes wrong?

For one, I rarely start working at 9 and stop at 5. Yoga gets replaced by answering emails that came in overnight, and free time with family gets replaced by answering emails that came in during the day. If I’m being honest, work emails and phone calls even stretch into my allotted dinner-time. And although my priority is my education, my nights are often spent watching mindless tv instead of studying or reading. In my case, my problem is that I’m not being true to my priorities. And that makes me sad.

I’m sure that nobody, while on his or her death bed, has proclaimed, “I wish I spent more time working. I wish I answered a few more emails. I wish I climbed that corporate ladder faster.” I’m pretty sure, though, that a few regretful souls have uttered the words, “I wish I took better care of myself. I wish I spent more time with my family. I wish I had my priorities straight.”

So thank you, my groovy gang, for asking me to write this post. It’s been an eye-opening lesson for me, and I hope it has been for you as well. So let’s plan our work and work our plan. But more importantly, let’s honor our priorities. Let’s use our time wisely, so we have no regrets at the end of time.

The Stress of Mess

My 5th grader watched a video at school called The Story of Stuff (www.storyofstuff.org). Among other things, it shows where all our stuff comes from, why we feel the need to have so much stuff, and what happens to our stuff when we’re done with it.

I was already in the “thinking about stuff” mode, as I recently visited a friend’s home. Their house is about as big as mine, but it was neat as a pin! I was so impressed that everything was put away, and unlike my own house, I could actually see their floors! When I asked them how they accomplished this magical feat, they gave me a book on de-cluttering. Now, I have lots of books on de-cluttering. After I read them, they usually end up as… you guessed it… clutter.

My friends swore this book was different, so I borrowed theirs. The good news is that eventually I have to give it back, ensuring that it won’t add to the clutter of my already cluttered de-clutter books.

Both the video and the book happened in the last week, which made me wonder…. Is this a sign from the gods of Groove? Was somebody trying to tell me something?

Not one to jinx juju, I decided to pay attention.

I’ve been a clutter-queen for as long as I can remember. As a kid, my sister didn’t want to share a room with me because I was such a slob. My college roommates, I’m sure, felt the same way. In fact, one housemate threw a bunch of chicken wing bones into the washing machine just to prove a point. (What the point was, I can’t remember, but I’m sure it was effective at the time.) My poor husband, who is one of the most organized people I know, cringes every time he walks past my clutter collections, which, to be honest, are hard to miss. What’s worse, I’m passing my rubbish routine on to my kids. Their bedroom looks like a department store threw up.

It appears I’m not the only one with this problem. Along with the aforementioned de-cluttering books, there are tv shows teaching you how to organize, magazines showing you how to live more simply, and websites with step-by-step guides on how to manage your mess.

I thought about buying bins and shelves and hooks, but when I really looked around my house, I realized that more than half of my stuff is useless to me. More than half of my stuff could be gone, and I wouldn’t miss any of it. Even better, I could donate this stuff to someone who just might need it. The point is not necessarily to organize the stuff I already have; the point is to have less stuff.

De-cluttering isn’t just about cleaning up my house. It’s about cleaning up my mind. External chaos leads to internal chaos, and chaos is never mojo-making. What’s more, having less stuff makes me feel like I’m doing my small part in saving the environment…. And it’s inhabitants. In our race to out-stuff our neighbor, we’re all stuffing ourselves to the point of ridiculousness. And for what? You’ve seen the bumper sticker, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” But really, he who dies with the most toys just leaves a lot of crap for someone else to clean up.

In my pursuit of pizazz, it is time to purge.

Here are the steps I’ll take this week. Won’t you join me?

1. I will donate clothes not worn in the last year. Even if, someday, I manage to fit into my jeans from 1988, they will probably be a little out of style.

2. I will recycle papers and mail that I think I might do something with someday… or, I’ll actually do something with them.

3. I will pack up clothes that are too big for the kids for next year, rather than continuing to put them in their drawers, try them on, find out they’re too big, and put them back into their drawers (you see the problem with this pattern?)

4. I will not buy stuff to replace the stuff I just got rid of. This point will hit home when you visit www.storyofstuff.org.

5. I own a Kindle. There is no need to purchase books. Unless of course they have pretty pictures.

6. I will save projects that the kids did that are truly heartfelt. I don’t need to save every spelling test they ever took.

7. I will throw away socks and underwear that have holes in them. That should free up half my dresser right there.

How will you de-clutter your space, your mind, and your life? Looking forward to hearing your tips!

Get Out.

I just got back from a week in Las Vegas. I know what you’re thinking… “VEGAS! What a great place to go if you’re looking for your mojo… You could win a few bucks, have a few drinks, break a few laws.

I did none of those things.

I hiked.

Yep, I went to Vegas to hike. And it was awesome.

It’s been a long, hard winter in the Northeast. We had lots of snow, ice, and bitter cold temperatures. Needless to say, I didn’t get out much. My exposure to the great outdoors consisted of daily jaunts from my house to my car to drive my kids to school. That adds up to a grand total of about three minutes a day.

Unless you’re a jar of mayonnaise, it’s really not good for anyone to not be outside for that long.

The fact is, there are many benefits to being outdoors. Children with ADHD are better able to focus after they’ve been outside in a natural environment. Being surrounded by nature is shown to reduce stress and tension. Studies have even shown that interaction with nature can lead to a better memory and a greater attention span.

Of course, with your savvy smarts, you don’t need research studies to figure that out. You’ve probably sat on a beach, breathing in the fresh sea air and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, and felt perfectly content. I’m sure you’ve walked through the woods on a crisp autumn day, watching the golden leaves fall gently to the ground, and felt at peace with yourself. You must have spent many nights under starry skies, listening to nothing but the crickets, and felt that all was right with the world.

Nature is a part of us, just as we are a part of nature. Sometimes we try to deny that by building concrete jungles, exercising in window-less gyms, and eating food that doesn’t actually contain any real food, but it’s a fact, and more than that… it’s a fact of nature.

So now that it’s spring, let’s vow to get out more. Let’s take a walk on our lunch break, spend a weekend at the beach, or take the kids camping. You can even move your yoga mat out to the deck. I guarantee it will do wonders for your stress levels. You’ll feel part of something bigger than yourself, and that alone is sure to grow your groove.

And remember, what happens outside, stays outside. Or is that Vegas? I always get them confused.

The Power of Peeps

We all know that life happens at turbo-speed. How many times have you asked yourself, “Where did this week go? This month? This year?” We're so busy getting through the day that we don't always take time for what's most important to us.

Recently I called a friend who I haven’t seen since June. Just hearing his voice made me smile from ear to ear, and sent my spirit soaring. He is a dear friend of mine, in fact, one of my favorite people on this Earth. He lives about 45 minutes away from me, and it occurred to me that I haven’t seen him in almost a year.

And it’s not just him. I have a flock of fabulous friends; some live down the street, some across the country. I don’t see them or talk to them nearly as often as I need to. But hearing my friend’s voice made me realize that one of the reasons for the decline in my dynamo is the fact that I have become, much to my horror, anti-social.

It appears that my unintended isolation could have unintended health consequences. Several studies have shown that people with more friends live longer than those with fewer friends. Cancer survivors with a strong social support system feel less pain, deal better with treatments, and have increased survival rates than those who don’t have such support. Loners who don’t have a network of friends have a higher chance of not only succumbing to the common cold, but also of being stricken by more serious illnesses.

I am not a loner by nature. I love the company of family and good friends, and although I value “alone time” on occasion, I prefer social to solitary; relationships to reclusivity. The fact that I’ve had an introverted inclination lately has to do with a lot of different things; bad weather, too much work, crazy kids schedule, and, if I’m going to be honest… a bad habit. I’ve gotten used to being alone. I work from home, and that’s a perfect excuse to hang out in my sweats, bypass a hairbrush, and curl up on the couch with my laptop.

The fact that I have my laptop gives me a false sense of social status. All my friends are on Facebook! I can see them whenever I want to. I know where they went on vacation, how the weather is in their neck of the woods, and even what they had for dinner last night! I know what kind of haircuts they’re sporting, because after all, I see the newly-posted photos of their newly-primped coiffures. It’s practically like we’re in the same room... except that it’s not.

The feeling of friendship isn’t there like it is in person. That chemistry that can only be created when people are close enough to touch; the way a friend can see into your soul when you need them to most; the peace that washes over you when you hear the laugh of someone you know you can trust with your life. Those are the things that are missed online, or over the phone. Don’t get me wrong… Facebook, email, and the telephone are better than nothing and I’m grateful to have them. But it’s just not the same thing as looking into the eyes of someone who loves me, despite the fact that I hang out in sweatpants and don’t always brush my hair.

So now that the weather is warming up, it’s time for me to come out of my cocoon. I have a feeling that, as my social life emerges from hiding, my mojo won’t be far behind.

What If....

Every so often people of a certain age wonder what happened to the life they were supposed to have. They wonder if they went to the right college, married the right person, chose the right career. Each fork in the road leads to somewhere, and every so often people of a certain age wonder what would have happened had they taken the other path.

But here’s a secret…

It wouldn’t matter.

And here’s why it wouldn’t matter: No matter which path you choose, there is ALWAYS another path. No matter which path you choose, you will always wonder if the other one could have been different… or better… or worse. See, you’ll never know, so why make yourself crazy thinking about it?

One of the greatest spirit-suckers of all time are the words “What if…” If we spend our lives wondering “What if…” then we’re not really living the lives we have.

So here’s a question for you to ponder this week. What if there were no “what ifs.” What if this is it? What if this is the life you are meant to live? What if there were no other paths, no other choices, and nothing to distract you from your life now, as it is?

Would you live any differently?

Would you stop beating yourself up over the paths that you didn’t take, or regret the ones you did? Would you learn to appreciate the people in your life who love you instead of wondering if there are other people out there who might love you more? Would you start following your dreams instead of assuming they will always be out of reach?

The truth is… we only go around once (at least that we know of). The older I get, the less inclined I am to waste my precious time and energy wondering IF things would have been different IF I made different decisions. Maybe they would; maybe they wouldn’t, but until someone finds a break in the space-time continuum, there’s no way to know and nothing I can do about it anyway.

Which leads me to the challenge of the week. Think of one thing (but only one) you would have done differently if you could do it all over again and ask yourself this question: Is it too late to do it now? Wish you’d gone to med school? Apply now. Wish you’d learned piano? Take lessons. Wish you’d spent more time with your kids? Plan a fun weekend getaway… but be sure to take them with you!

As my favorite author (and groovy guy in his own right) Richard Bach says, “You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it true.” And then he adds the best part of the quote… “You may have to work for it, however.”

What do you want badly enough that you’re willing to apply a little elbow grease? What REALLY matters to you, now, in this life... the only life you have?

You, my fearless friend, are the captain of the ship called “YOUR LIFE.” Where will you steer that ship today?

Feel the Zeal!

I recently attended a Conference where I gave a presentation on how to give a presentation. (Really? That sounds funny.) Anyway, one of the best tips I gave (if I do say so myself) is to “speak with conviction.” When I asked the audience why they should speak with conviction, they all had good answers:

“You’ll be more believable.”

“You’ll present yourself as an expert.”

“Your presentation will have more meaning.”

All good points, indeed. But that is not the best reason to speak with conviction. The best reason, is, in the wise words of poet and mojo-maven Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

As it just so happened, because life loves to send meaningful messages, one of my favorite groovy gals was the keynote speaker at the Conference, and she proved my point beautifully.

Of course I’m speaking about crazy, sexy Kris Carr, cancer survivor, best-selling author, filmmaker, wellness coach, and green-goddess extraordinaire. Kris talked about her passion; how to navigate your own wellness adventure, and why you should live life like you mean it.

I listened intently. After all, as a seeker of sass, I wanted to memorize everything Kris was saying, so I could use her tips in my mission for moxie. Her message inspired me and I was hanging on her every word. When her presentation was over, I was determined and excited to use her advice the very next day.

Then I went to sleep. And what do you think happened?

You may remember from my previous post…. I have a terrible memory. So when I woke the next day, I couldn’t remember what exactly, I should have for breakfast! I couldn’t remember the name of the juicer she recommended, and I couldn’t remember if I should drink hot water with lemon, or hot herbal tea, or was it just a hot lemon?

Whatever it was, I felt that it was incredibly important! Kris made me feel that taking charge of my health was paramount, and certainly a gateway to groovy. Kris’ words made me feel that there was no time to waste! I had to start on my health revolution NOW!!!!!!

Luckily for memory-impaired people such as myself, there is the internet. After a few minutes of panic because I couldn’t remember if pear and cucumber were a good juicing combo or not, a few keystrokes solved my issues, and I found that in fact, pear and cucumber get along famously.

The point is… I may not have remembered exactly what Kris SAID, but I do remember how Kris made me FEEL. She made me feel that health and wellness should be top priority in our lives, that what thoughts you put into your head are just as important as what veggies you put into your body. And most importantly, she made me feel that my missing mojo may be closer than I thought.

The lesson of the day? Live your life with passion, pizzazz, and your own personal power. Feel the zeal. Speak with conviction and remember, pear and cucumber go well in juice.

For more info on Kris Carr, visit http://crazysexylife.com.