Sunday, January 23, 2011

Your Groove on a Grudge

I am not a “typical” woman.

Let me re-phrase that…. I am not a “stereotypical” woman (note that this is not a positive or a negative; I’m simply using it as fodder).

I hate shopping. I only have 4 pairs of shoes. I don’t know how to match make-up to my skin tone, so I just don’t bother wearing make-up. I know what the word “blitz” means, and I know that a “tight-end” is not a dude who looks good in jeans. My night-time “beauty routine” consists of brushing my teeth and taking out my contact lenses. I have no idea what color my bathroom walls are, and I’m sure my towels don’t match. I will never own a diamond. My wardrobe contains a lot of black because I figure black matches everything. I'm not sure who Vera Bradley is. My socks rarely make it into the hamper the first time. I don’t own nail polish, and most importantly, I never, ever hold a grudge.

You know the story… a husband and wife get into a fight and the wife brings up things that the husband did thirty years ago. Well, that will never happen to me. It’s not because I’m above such tactics. It’s simply because I can’t remember.

My husband and I don’t fight often, but on those rare occasions that we do, I don’t stay mad for long. Why? Because I’ll forget what the fight was about two days later. The same holds true for other people in my life. If I feel somebody “did me wrong” somehow, I may be annoyed for a while, but sooner or later (usually sooner), I’ll forget about it. It isn’t intentional. I don’t meditate on “letting go,” or attempt to take the high road. I just have a lousy memory.

I suppose it would be fun and very soap-opera-y to be one of those wickedly vindictive women who spend their free time plotting the demise of her frenemies, but good God, that sounds like a lot of work. And that’s another reason I don’t hold grudges.

It takes a lot more energy to be mad at someone than it takes to, say, NOT be mad at someone. Buddha said it more profoundly: “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

And since we’re so busy procuring our pizzazz, do we really have the time or energy for such things?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you should let people walk all over you and then forget about it. But focusing on forgiveness will allow you to concentrate on what’s most important to you. If you’re focusing on your grudge, then that is where your energy is going, and we need our energy for more important things, like growing our groove. I guarantee that your grudge isn’t worth such potent power. But YOU are.

So, my feisty followers, here’s our challenge for this week:

If somebody offends us, annoys us, or aggravates us, here’s what we will do… We will do absolutely nothing. We will remind ourselves that this situation doesn’t deserve our attention; let alone our intensity. Instead, we will think of ways that we could be spending our precious time; go for a run, cook a meal; hug our kids. There are a million better things that deserve our hard-earned energy.

If, unlike me, you happen to be blessed with a decent memory, than you may have to try harder on this one. But it will be well worth it.


  1. Ahhh what a timely post my friend :-) I am eager to practice your wisdom by moving on and exerting my energy toward positive endeavors!! Thanks for helping us all to keep our grudges in perspective...

  2. Great advice! I firmly believe there would be less illness in the world if people just learned to forgive & forget (certainly easier said than done of course). Keeping things inside you literally begin to eat at you and that can't be a good thing!